


Sherlock and the Three Bears

by LilacFree



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Childhood, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2396882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacFree/pseuds/LilacFree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's story time in the Holmes household</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock and the Three Bears

“Why are they called fairy stories if there are no fairies in them? Not that fairies are real. At least Father Christmas is Mummy and Daddy.”

“You are a child, and children get read this sort of thing. People will expect you to be familiar with the stories and you will encounter references to them in higher forms of literature.” He added consolingly, “I’ve made some improvements.”

The boy stuck out his lower lip, already alarmingly full. He was silent, but evidently ready to object vehemently to any undesirable story elements.

“Once upon a time, there was a little girl, called Goldilocks for her bright hair.” He ruffled his brother’s dusky curls, enjoying the boy’s scowl.

“She was on the trail of a thief who had stolen one of her family’s hens when she came to a crossroads. The evidence was confused by the traffic of the area, but she noticed a small house nearby. Perhaps someone there had seen the thief. She knocked at the door and peeked in the windows, but saw no one at home. Glancing around to make sure no one was about, she swiftly picked the lock and slipped inside. It was easy to observe that three persons lived here. There were three beds in the loft and three bowls at the table. Why had the inhabitants stepped out and left their bowls of food on the table?”

“Is the food warm?”

“Goldilocks sampled the food and found it to be porridge. In one bowl the porridge was too hot to consume safely, in the next bowl it was too cold to be palatable, but in the third bowl it seemed ready to eat. Goldilocks repeated the experiment to confirm the results several times.”

“That was stupid. If they left to let their food cool down before they ate it, and one bowl is already too cold, clearly the residents will be back very soon.”

“Goldilocks examined the beds. One was too hard for her to rest comfortably, the next was too soft, and the third was just right. She fell asleep.”

“If she hadn’t eaten so much she wouldn’t have fallen asleep in the suspects’ house. Ingestion of simple carbohydrates during an investigation is contraindiCATEive.”

“That’s ‘contrainDICKative’.”

“Hah you said ‘dick’.”

“‘Contraindicated’ would be better usage. Yes, I said it again, hilarious. Now, whilst Goldilocks slept, the three bears came home and went to their table to finish supper.”

“What, three BEARS? That’s ridiculous. Bears don’t cook their food.”

“Of course not, that would be silly. This is the Bear family: Mr. Bear, Mrs. Bear, and young Master Bear. As I was saying, the bears went to finish their supper. ‘Someone has been eating my porridge,’ said Mr. Bear, and likewise Mrs. Bear. ‘Someone has eaten my porridge right up,’ said young Master Bear.”

“Are the responses in the same order as the bowls were sampled?”

“Yes. The beds, too.”

“Go on, then.”

“The Bears examined their home to see if anything else had changed while they were gone. ‘Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,’ complained Mr. Bear, and likewise Mrs. Bear. ‘Someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and the intruder is still there,’ whispered young Master Bear. Well, that’s alarming. What would you do in Master Bear’s place?”

The boy steepled his fingers and pondered. “This is a difficult situation for young Bear. His parents are estranged. The father is controlling and likely abusive – he insisted on being served last so his food would be warmest, and he has the highest quality bed. Mrs. Bear prefers a soft bed, inDICKating –“ he paused to enjoy the grimace on his brother’s face, “—she may be suffering from physical abuse. Though Goldilocks is a trespasser, she doesn’t deserve to be beaten up. Bear the younger should contrive to let Goldilocks slip past him and escape. As for the missing hen, Goldilocks did first check the food on the table, but she should have then examined the cooktop, the oven, and the pantry. A stolen chicken would not be found in the sleeping quarters.”

“Quite right. Goldilocks escaped. She did not find the missing hen, so she set a trap by the henhouse and caught Mr. Fox trying to steal a chicken. Mr. Fox was arrested for theft. The newspaper article published about the young detective’s first successful case included her picture, and Mr. Bear recognized her and made a trespassing complaint. Goldilocks’ investigator’s license was suspended.”

“She should have called in a tip into the domestic abuse helpline. If the Bear family was being investigated, Mr. Bear would have been less likely to want to talk to the police about a break-in.”

“Is that what you learned from the story? Always report criminal activity to the police?”

“The police weren’t much help to Goldilocks or the Bears. I think the point is that if you have to break in to a building, that you should have at least one exit strategy ready. Goldilocks is a sloppy detective and deserves to lose her license. Did Mr. Bear ever go to prison?”

Mycroft turned to the next page. It was blank, as he expected. “That’s left unresolved.”

“I knew it would be a stupid story.” Sherlock reached under the bed. “I know what happens next. The Bears go sailing and are attacked by pirates.” He pulled out his pirate hat and set it on his head. “First Mate Mycroft! Escort Mr. Bear to the gangplank!”

“Aye-aye, Cap’n Sherlock.”

The End

**Author's Note:**

> It's not really a reveal if the tags and titles give it away. On the other hand, it wasn't supposed to be hard to guess who was who. Just trying to exercise my writing muscles.


End file.
